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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025421">bitter nightmares &amp; sweeter dreams</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/toelessfeet/pseuds/toelessfeet'>toelessfeet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Self Aware (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Author Is Sleep Deprived, Day 2, Elliot For Fire Hydrant 2020, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Pining, SelfAwareFanWeek, im not mad ab tbh chsnjdf i love him, no beta we die like kais childhood innocence, somehow this ended up being aspen centric, which</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:48:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/toelessfeet/pseuds/toelessfeet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two raw feathers end up together on a couch, both dealing with restlessness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aspen Hanyuu/Elliot Rainor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>bitter nightmares &amp; sweeter dreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>he was being forced against the door, banging on it to be let in but no, no, no, they never relented, they never stopped. they shoved and pushed and heaved and bang! closed on the left side of his body and pain, pain, pain. pure blistering aches and phantom touches marred his skin as he bled, right side shut down and only barely being able to see out his left eye in the heat of the moment. a large, looming figure stood over him with a barren mask and a white, polished suit stained red in blood, blotches of it covering their arm and no no no no nO don’t get any closer please—</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy woke up sweating, nightmare (or memory?) of that day looping on repeat in his head. He’d gone frozen still, muscles locked in place and heart rattling faster than a bass drop. It took a while, but he had eventually managed to calm himself down enough to try and figure out what woke him. Usually, with that particular dream, he’d be stuck in his own head, tortured by things no one else cared to believe for hours at a time until daylight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shaking out of his stupor, he noticed a tiny figure at the side of the couch, pulling at his arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s just Lily.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aspen hoped she didn’t see that, hoped that he’d looked like he’d been under control, hoped that for a second— she didn’t have to know what happens to him after nightmares. He didn’t want to scare her needlessly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Brother” was being whispered again and again when he came back to focus, and he found himself internally shaming himself to have gotten that distracted. Gone and dissociated when your sister needs it most, huh? ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Great going, Aspen.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nightmares like these made him nonverbal. They took away his breath, and not in the fun romantic way you see in movies or read in books. Fully taken in account, they choked at his airways and decimated his ability to speak. Occasionally, when it was really bad, he’d get sharp pains just by trying to open his mouth. Not only did they take his voice (which was already so limited), they’d sometimes paralyze his body all over, just out of fear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was lucky this time, he guessed, to only not be able to speak this time. Lily didn’t look like she had her hearing aids in, and he wasn’t able to talk aloud—  let alone loud enough for her to hear, and it was a bit too dark to see many signs, so they were going in without much to communicate with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ignoring those thoughts, though, he turned to look at her. Lily’s face was flushed red that was hardly visible in the dimly lit livingroom, and tears were gathered in her eyes. She was shaking slightly, and was making ‘up me’ motions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘She probably had a night terror too, then,’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>he realized, and wasn’t that ironic? The two Hanyuu siblings, having to face their own demons on the same night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He picked her up without complaint, squinting his eye to try and catch her body language to see if that’s what she wanted. What she couldn't do in sounds, she could do in movements — a habit she picked up when he was younger and more open. A habit that he’s kinda grateful she learned, because it made it easier in times like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sat up and scooted into a corner of the couch, placing her on the other end and let her play with his hair. Tiny fingers tugging and pulling strands into mini braids. Probably something their babysitter,  Lea, had shown her how to do. It kept her hands busy, though, and it gave him an excuse to not make a peep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They ended up falling asleep like that, right on the couch. Blanket covering the majority of his sister and </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> enough to pull over his feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>x</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He woke up to a sudden flash of light and a shutter noise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Groaning uncomfortably from his spot on the couch, he turned to look at whoever was taking pictures of them this early in the morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, he came face to face with his dear friend Elliot Rainor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had been staying over more often, whether for studying, or a paired assignment, or just to hang out with whatever new thing he learned from who-knows-where. Aspen wasn’t going to complain, though, he liked the boys company. Maybe...a little bit more than he should, but it’s not like his crush wasn’t mutual. (hopefully—)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Elliot had come over to work on a project— the exact topic not coming to mind at the moment, and by the time it came to leave it was already dark out. Lily had been the one to ask for a sleepover, and the shorter boy had agreed bashfully. A quick call to his parents and they were set, though he looked a bit...flustered, after. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was cute.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stayed for dinner (and wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> a pleasant time. Elliot had always looked nervous, no matter how many times he came over, so Aspen decided to hold his hand under the table in hopes that he’d cool down. They do that in movies, right?)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Side note— it didn’t really work, he wasn’t expecting Elliot to turn redder than his hair, yet, there they were. Certainly </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> the way to calm someone down...)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After they ate, they’d gone to his room in the basement to work a bit more, just before getting bored.  The shorter boy had started dozing on his shoulder, so he called in quits and decided it was timeto hit the hay. A quick shower and cleaned teeth later, and…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, maybe the taller had a tiny crush. And, maybe, although he definitely had some of the shorter boys clothes at his house from how often he'd stayed over,, Aspen lended him his old PJs. Which was definitely too big. The sleeves covered his hands and the head hole was barely holding onto his shoulders. the pants only fit because they were elastic and the shorter boy was </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>blushing a storm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Cute.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ Is what he thought last night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘CUTE,</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ Is what flew through his head at the moment, looking up at the shorter from his position on the couch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I! Uh! Er, um, good morning Aspen, uh,” He stuttered, as if caught in red handed in some mischievous scheme.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His poker face barely showed anything, but internally he was dying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well. Although his night hadn’t gone smoothly, nor did he expect future nights to go well,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least he had something new to look forward to on better days.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi i wanna be clear here but. just because aspen has a crush and it’s mutual and like theyre maybe gonna talk stuff out and confess DOESN’T. it does NOT mean that a relationship or romantic love will solve all your problems. Aspen has a long way to go on his recovery trip and theres gonna be nights like this when hes older with other people he loves, and days where he deals with chronic pain so bad he can barely move, and maybe hes never gonna be 100% fine and thats ok. hes doing his best and thats all i could ever ask of him. </p><p>i hope i wrote him in an accurate way mbdnsjd i dont wanna spread misinformation, which is kinda why i barely had lily there, because DANG i have no clue how to write kids. i remember loving getting picked up by my older sibling/cousins tho, especially after night terrors, sooo &gt;&gt;</p><p>when i have nightmares Now i either a: Cry 2/ go nonverbal or tres) both bc honestly it b like that, so thats what i had for aspen! ^^;</p><p>as a Fello 5’2 shortcake, tall people clothes FUCK! i have a shirt meant for a 6’ tall person and i can BARELY FIT IN IT but its PURPLE so i ADORE IT.</p><p>thank you for reading!!! 🧡</p></blockquote></div></div>
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